“It’s heartbreaking”: Jamie and Jools Oliver on why raising five children is "brutal" and how they tackle it

With five children ranging in age from nine to 23, Jamie and Jools Oliver have lived through most phases of parenting – and in an exclusive interview with Good Housekeeping, the pair shared that it hasn’t always been easy. Far from it, in fact. The pair, who have spent the best part of the last 25 years juggling the needs of their kids through varying stages of childhood and adolescence, opened up about how “brutal” it can be, as well as how they tackle it.

The pair, who are on the cover of GH’s legendary Christmas issue, shared that the challenge of having teenagers is particularly difficult. Jools explained how she’s very sensitive to teenage hormonal outbursts, saying it’s “particularly brutal with girls and their mums”. “My 16-year-old isn’t particularly warm to me at the moment and it’s sort of heartbreaking,” she said.

“But I’ve done it twice over and I know not to be silly and to try to let it go. It’s hard when you’re living it, and 10 years is quite a long time to wait for them to come back to you, but they do”.

Jamie added that Jools “understandably takes it personally, and it’s not that I’m seeing it from a great distance, but I’ve learned to step back when I can” His advice to others going through the same experience? Just ride it out.

It’s not just the pair’s girls, though. Buddy, 15, is striking out in his own ways, too. He may have his own cookbook out and a large online following but, Jamie explained, “He’s at an age where [sometimes it feels like] he’s almost fighting it because he thinks it’s imposed by me. It might have been driven by my excitement at having a partner in crime, although he is fantastic in the kitchen, especially at Christmas.”

When it comes to Christmas, unsurprisingly, Jamie is head of the Oliver kitchen, while Jools does the clean-up, washing up to a soundtrack of Christmas songs. “I’d play The Pogues’ Fairytale Of New York in midsummer,’ Jools shared, while the older children are usually found rallying around River [their youngest], to keep the Father Christmas magic alive.

“He’s such a know-it-all and his personality doesn’t allow him to keep secrets, so I think he does still believe," said Jamie. Christmas Day, Jools added, is “sacred”, given how rare it is that all five children are together now that Poppy and Daisy have flown the nest, leaving Petal, Buddy and River at home.

So is it a big affair? “Some years, we’ve done marshmallows around the fire or pork pies and picky plates on Christmas Eve with family and friends, but then it’s been quite nice to keep Christmas Day just for us. Jamie works so hard and it’s nice just to keep it small and really chilled,” shared Jools.

The Christmas tree – in whatever shape Jools may choose it – takes centre stage at their family home in Essex. A Tudor property with Georgian additions, it’s familial, warm and very beautiful. “I’m not into wreaths up the banisters or anything like that,’ Jools said of the festive decor.

“I love a big tree, but there’s no theme. There’s always an argument between coloured lights and white lights, and we let the children fight that out, although this year I’m insisting we go back to white.”

But as well as the overindulgence of it all, for Jamie, it’s about honouring family traditions. Reminiscing about “this little mini railway we took them to every year with their cousins”, he explained that those are the things that really matter. “They got too cool for school to do that, but now they’re older, they want to do it again. That’s what Christmas is – it’s all about nostalgia.”

Read the full interview in Good Housekeeping UK’s December issue, on sale from 23^rd October. Visit jamieoliver.com/christmas for all your festive recipe needs. Jamie’s Cook-Ahead Christmas airs on Channel 4 on 8 December. Turn the page for Jamie’s get-ahead turkey.